A brief history of funny things I’ve said

Or, reasons why you should follow me on twitter (@awildtenappears)

Me on events

(on the superbowl): the first half of the game then Beyonce is basically the pre-amble then the constitution

In honor of the victoria’s secret fashion show, I’m going to digest a big gust of air for dinner

Everyone’s all blah blah party, blah blah twilight, andimlike BUT TWINKIES

Struggling to find a dress for NYE. might wear all my past failed resolutions instead

SHOULD ANYONE HAVE TEMPORARY TATTOOS (PREFERABLY BUTTERFLY) PLEASE BRING THEM TO THE PARTY.

There’s so much snow we can play in it!! loljk I’m gonna use it as an excuse to not leave my house.

(on Michigan football): I’d just like to mention that Denard just ran directly through a tackle sandwich

God as Valentine’s draws near I realize that netflix is the closest I am to sleeping with anyone.

Me on food

Maybe you don’t get me cause nutella is my spirit animal…?

I’m going to make a tumblr of people looking clinically depressed eating panda express

It’s crazy, at subway today the “sandwich artist” didn’t seem clinically depressed

I’m all ‘I need to eat healthier’…but now there’s a box of cinnamon toast crunch open on my lap.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME MILK

Me on social things

Blah Blah shared a photo from “Common Experience Everybody Has Had” page and it’s just as annoying as you’d expect!

Oh hey new myspace. I’m excited that I get to rank all my friends in order of importance again.

i treat Vogue just as a more avante-garde picture book.

Ipod dead, keep walking with earbuds in, act natural

Groupon: just because you can offer 58% off nickelback tickets doesn’t mean you should. or that anyone will suddenly like nickelback.

Me on great ideas

I’m making a horror movie so far I’m just making a villain inspired by michele bachmann’s crazy eyes

Why does anime get its own genre on netflix but joseph gordon levitt doesn’t?

Remember when we could type rosebud;!;!;;!;!; and all of our problems would be solved?

There should be an app that replaces pictures of people on your news feed that you hate with pictures of cute things.

“Sportcenter to me is like the sports version of CSPAN.”

Me on being sassy

I bonded with a quiet girl today when I whispered “watch out for the dementors”

No I’m not listening to music, these are my ‘assholes in the library’ earmuffs

I draw a very thick line between cool design and “stupid quote a dumb 20something threw over a photo she instagrammed”

Across the globe women can carry babies in baskets on their heads, but my god if I can’t balance this bagel on my coffee

Ya thanks for the offer but i think I’m just gonna eat gummy worms and watch too cute

Earthbending is the equivalent of hufflepuff house.

So is it like the new thing to stay in and drink wine watching netflix or..?

Sometimes I feel irresponsible and then I’m like nah

Whenever you get jealous of someone else, just remember that you don’t have daddy issues.

I always feel like an asshole when people ask if I wanna see Zero Dark Thirty. like, WOW I WONDER IF THEY’RE GONNA GET HIM IN THE END?!

Waxvac has made me terrified of using Qtips

Me on school

“I wish syllabus week in the art school could just be fingerpainting and discussing our feelings.” “I thought they saved that for exam week?” “No that’s when we do watercolors with our tears.”

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