People who drive you insane

Your own personal Jenny Beckman. Bitch.

Old friends you’d rather not keep talking to, and you wouldn’t if we lived a couple decades ago.

People you have to censor yourself in front of.

People who you’re embarrassed to be related to.

The ex-boyfriend who you keep tabs on just to relish in your lofty I’m-better-than-you-now-ness.

The ex-boyfriend who you keep tabs on to make sure they’re not posting vaguely specific statuses about how much they’re in love with you.

People you know are not religious posting bible verses or statuses about a higher power.

The person who nags you about catching up or grabbing coffee, but never does.

The person that you’re into, who CONSTANTLY is talking about the person they’re into (it’s not you.)

Someone who is making better friends with the person you introduced them to, than you.

A woman standing in front of you who can’t seem to understand that using a credit card at this café takes a full minute, and using cash takes 10 seconds so everyone hates her for using card on a $1.60 purchase.

Every single person who is still in high school and thinks their life will get no better from there.

The people in college who still wear their High School class rings or varsity jackets. Or that wear these to Homecoming games.

High schoolers who mess with the mascot. Fuck you guys, that was a hard job.

All the pregnant people defending themselves (“It’s in God’s plan” (refer to religious people) or “We will be happier together than most of you” (good luck with your flighty baby-daddy)).

People who only post pictures of their babies growing up online.

Jenny Beckman, showing up to parties she’s not invited to.

Jenny Beckman, showing up to parties she’s not invited to, and then making everyone praise her for “being able to make it.” And posting about how great she is for putting in all the effort to get there on Facebook. This is hypothetical.

Jenny Beckman, showing up to parties she is invited to (for once), and making it awkward for every one of Jenny Beckman’s nemesis’ friends (your friends). This could include jumping out of pictures you’re in, making passive-aggressive comments about you, and throwing bitchy looks in your direction just because she’s a bitch.

Fuck Jenny Beckman.

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